Friday, January 5, 2007

Friday Fun

MENTAL STATUS: A bit fried. Been working on a critique analysis for a part-time content editor position, trying to work on my own short story, trying to do my "homework" for a writing class I'm doing and trying to critique my friend's chapter. There just isn't enough time in the day.

I am busy right now. REALLY busy. Okay, really busy for someone with no job. So I'm going to "cheat" on my post today and leave you with a fun e-mail my hubby sent to me. You know, about all those e-mails you get sent to you throughout the year. (I added the last one.)

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER:

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. (Thanks again, MOM!!)

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these > products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life!

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

And last: Thanks to you, I now know that Fred Rogers was a Navy Seal and Captain Kangaroo and Lee Marvin were both war heroes at Iwo Jima. (Those two really got me) :(

Have a great weekend!

2 comments:

Chicki said...

That was great! I particularly hate the e-mails saying that God will only bless me if I forward it to so many people. Ha! Those are an automatic "delete."

Fred Rogers was a Navy Seal ... incredible.

Denise

Erin said...

This is too cute.

Oh, I answered your questions the other day on my blog.

Theresa