Wednesday, June 6, 2007

No Pain No Muscle Relaxant

MENTAL STATUS: "Slightly concerned." (See below)

I can't move my arms.

Well, okay, I am managing to type and sling coffee down my throat. But that's ALL I can do without cringing in pain.

Why am I slowly becoming a cripple?

I've been taking "Body Sculpting" classes at my gym. Hmmph. Body sculpting. More like Body bulldozing. But my hubby says it's character building and I should stick with it since I never joined any organized sports when I was in school. I corrected him and said I was in Marching Band, but he told me that didn't count.

With the way my body feels, he may have a point.

You see, I'm working on a Murphy's Law theory here. I figure between my Cable Flex and these classes, I should finally have my body in perfect tip-top-Cindy-Crawford-like shape in no time. And that's when I'll find out I'm pregnant. At least that's what I'm hoping. The traditional way of getting pregnant isn't doing it so far. So, what the hey, we'll try this, too.

But it seems as though yesterday's workout really threw me over the edge. As I army-crawled my way out of class, I figured I needed something in my stomach to boost my energy level. COOKIES were the first choice that came to mind. Yeah, I know that wasn't a great choice, but this was a life and death moment. Luckily, I had Nutter Butter Bites in my purse or I might not have made it.

So there I was like the out-of-shape criminal I am--sitting in the library next door-- reduced to hiding the fact I needed to shove cookies in my mouth or my body was going to disown me. I had to sneak them. I was afraid the exercise Nazis were going to find out and ban me from taking further classes, if I hadn't.

Ma'am, are those cookies you're eating?

What? Huh? These?

Holy smokes! You're eating Nutter Butters? That's sick. You might as well be eating deep-fried Oreos.

Oh. Really? You see my head was feeling fuzzy and-- Well, peanut butter is protein and I thought---

Yeah, right. Tell it to the aerobic instructor. Everybody in her class carries fruit in their purse.

And then I'd never be able to show my face with all those fit people again.

I'm determined to give it another shot, though. Maybe I need to carbo-load before my class. You know, like those runners do before a marathon. I'll just make sure I have a bowl of spaghetti for breakfast next time.

Are you in shape?


Chicki said...

Jennifer, I admire your tenacity. Once the soreness goes away, you'll be fine. Just keep it up.

I'm in the worst shape of my life right now. I've gained twenty pounds in the past two years as a result of sitting at this desk 24/7!

I need serious help... Last night I saw the new Jenny Craig commercial with Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertinelli and decided when I get some cash I'm going to see Jenny. Since I've tried to lose weight on my own with no success, maybe an organized program will help me.

lainey bancroft said...

"Are you in shape?"

Ah...yes in that I can sling around furnaces and air conditioners in a way that absolutely petrifies a couple of the young guys who work for in that I usually follow up this activity about the same way as you.

Peanut butter is most certainly a protein. Don't let those aerobic junkies tell you any different.

Chocolate milk too. Although maybe that's just me...and maybe that's also why I must unbutton my jeans to sit down and breath at the same time.

WTG for getting on a program!

Anonymous said...

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