Friday, July 9, 2010

This, a Winner, and That part 4

MOOD STATUS: "Tired". The heat has finally gotten to me...

Thanks so much to everyone who stopped by Writer Routine Wednesday to say hi and hear about Kristen's writing routine!

But, yes, now the important part: the book winner. :)

The winner of Kristen Painter's book ALL FIRED UP is...


CrystalGB!!

Congrats!!

Please e-mail me the address you'd like the book sent to and I'll let Kristen know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now for a little of this and that...

I meant to blog about this last week but forgot. Have you seen the winners of the 2010 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest? It's a contest for BAD writing that San Jose State University has sponsored since 1982. Yes, bad writing.

Check out what won top prize:

"For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss--a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil."
--Molly Ringle

The literary competition honors the memory of writer Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, who famously opened his 1830 novel "Paul Clifford, with the much-quoted, "It was a dark and stormy night." Entrants were asked to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels in various categories.

This won the detective category:

"She walked into my office wearing a body that would make a man write bad checks, but in this paperless age you would first have to obtain her ABA Routing Transit Number and Account Number and then disable your own Overdraft Protection in order to do so."
~Steve Lynch

(That one cracked me up!)

This won the western category:

"He walked into the bar and bristled when all eyes fell upon him - perhaps because his build was so short and so wide, or maybe it was the odor that lingered about him from so many days and nights spent in the wilds, but it may just have been because no one had ever seen a porcupine in a bar before."
~Linda Boatright



See? Don't you feel better about your own opening sentence now? :)



Have a great weekend!

30 comments:

Jen said...

Life is better when you can read other people's bad writing!!! Oh and feel okay about it since it was planned!!!

This brightened my day! I love Fridays!!!

Congrats to the winner!

Wendy Paine Miller said...

It's amazing how a little bad writing can cheer me up. ;)

Happy weekend,
Wendy

Diane said...

I love it. They are actually so "off" that I'd love to read any of them..... :O)

Maria Zannini said...

I feel much better now. Thanks. :)

Vicki Rocho said...

Those are hysterical! Love the porcupine!

Laura Pauling said...

I like the first one - the lapping and sucking. Very funny. People are writing these on purpose, I hope. :)

Palindrome said...

LOL!! That's hilarious.

I love the detective one. "disable you own Overdraft Protection" LOL!

Kristen Painter said...

Just wanted to say congrats to Crystal - the book will be on its way soon!

Joanne said...

I agree with Diane, that they are so bad, they might border on cute and maybe I want to see more?

Happy Friday!

Jill Kemerer said...

Love that contest! It always makes me laugh. World's thinnest gerbil? Classic!

Have a great weekend!

Crystal Cook said...

Those bad openings seriously made my day!! ROFL!! I love the gerbil one. hahaha!

Terri Tiffany said...

I LOVE that detective one! That person has humor:)

Susan R. Mills said...

HA! Thanks for sharing these. Yes, I do feel better!

Liza said...

Feeling much better now...

T. Anne said...

Ha that last one was funny! And yes I feel better about all my lines now. ;) I am bummed i didn't win 'all fired up' I guess I'd better procure my copy!!!

Rula Sinara said...

LOL! Boy did those give me a good laugh, although the first also earned an 'ewww gross!!!' reaction too :). Too funny. I needed that!

Have a great weekend.

Janna Qualman said...

Oh wow. Whoa! My question is, did those writers intentinally write bad stuff for this particularly contest? Shew.

Carolyn V. said...

Hee hee, those were great!

Congrats to Crystal! =)

Julie Musil said...

Congrats to Crystal!

As for the bad writing winners, those are hilarious!

Michelle said...

thanks for the giggle :)

Jessica Nelson said...

Too funny! I can't even really think those are bad because they're so funny and vivid.
Congrats to Crystal!

Heidi Willis said...

I've read these almost every year, but forgotten about it this year. Thanks for the post and great examples! I'm always worried I will inadvertently be mistaken for one of those entrants! :)

Samantha Bennett said...

I love that the porcupine bristled. He so would!

MaryC said...

Congrats to Crystal.

Thanks for posting the "winners." I'd seen the first one but not the others.

patti said...

Oh, dear. I never liked these sites that point out bad writing even BEFORE I was a writer!!!

Patti

Linda Kage said...

Oh my! Those were first lines of stories? But seriously,knowing me, that WOULD be something I'd win: a bad writing competition.

Heather Sunseri said...

I feel ashamed, but that really did cheer me up!

Jen Chandler said...

wow, those are gruesome! I think the detective category was my favorite!

Thanks for the much needed laugh :)
Jen

Talli Roland said...

Oh, I love reading bad writing. It makes me feel soooo gooood... :)

Thank you!

Glynis said...

Congratulations Crystal.
Thanks for sharing those funnies with us, you made my day!